MEETING TEENAGERS NEEDS

Article 4, Series 1

Question: “How can I meet teenagers needs in a cafe or through my youth ministry?”

Answer #3: REMEMBER TEENAGERS BY NAME

You like it when people remember you, right? So do teenagers. It shows them that you care and that you were thinking of them. Remembering names can be difficult. Mainly because we don't take the time to truly listen. Exchanging names and a handshake has become more like a cold, impersonal hello-like-greeting rather than an actual relationship building experience. "Well hello, I'm Tim Van Arsdale." (Insert handshake) "Well hello Tim, Nice to meet you. I'm John Smith." And then we part ways never to remember each other's name. Remembering names is a sport. It takes practice, discipline, failure and success. I've put together 5 Steps you can take to help you remember teenagers by name. I've personally tried them out and they work for me. I'm certain they will work for you.

STEP 1: CALL THEM BY NAME

• Say the teenager's name in the form of a question. You've gotta' practice saying their name out loud before you can remember it. So say their name out loud paying careful attention to its phonetic makeup.
  • Scenario: You've introduced yourself and asked the teenager his name and he answers, "Johnny." Now, address Johnny by name in the form of a question. You say, "Johnny, how was school today?"

STEP 2: REPEAT THEIR NAME IN YOUR NOGGIN'.

• Repetition is a discipline used in every sport to help master that sport. If you want to master the sport of remembering a teenager's name, than you need the discipline of repetition. When a teenager tells you his/her name, say their name in your mind over and over again. It may feel weird and crazy. That's because it is...but who cares. They won't know you're doing it. No one will. And let's be honest, you're working with teens so naturally you're already weird and crazy.
  • Scenario: You've just learned his name is Johnny and asked him about school. Now, while Johnny is talking about school, you're brain needs to be thinking: Johnny...Johnny...Johnny...Johnny...Johnny. This is the one time I'll allow you to break the listening tip mentioned above. You are not to be listening to what Johnny says about school. Your mind should be repeating Johnny's name the whole time Johnny is talking. Just make eye contact, smile and nod while he's talking. Besides, do you really care about what happened at his school today? It's small talk. Unless there was a shooting or fire at school, you've got bigger fish to fry. So repeat his name in your mind. You can ask more important questions later. Ones that you really care about that will help you get to know Johnny better.

STEP 3: ASSOCIATE THEIR NAME WITH SOMETHING.

• Association has been used in memorization for years. It works. We teach association to young children to help them learn their ABCs. We associate the alphabet with a catchy tune and sing it. The same works for remembering names. You can associate Johnny with something in two ways. (1) You can associate him to the answers he gives to the questions you ask. Maybe Johnny tells you that he likes to skateboard. Associate Johnny to skateboarding. (2) Or, you can associate Johnny with his appearance. Maybe Johnny has blonde hair or a killer pink Mohawk. Use something about his appearance to help you remember his name.
  • Scenario: You've learned Johnny's name, called him by name through a question, and ignored his response so you could repeat his name in your mind. Now think to yourself: Johnny has a killer pink Mohawk.

STEP 4: WRITE DOWN THEIR NAME WITH THE ASSOCIATION.

• We keep a shift report at the cafe and do our best to write down names. In the past, I've kept 3x5 note cards and a golf pencil in my back pocket so I can write down the teenager's name and associate him/her with something. Recent technological advancements (i.e. iPhone, Palm Pilot's, PDA's) makes this process less painful. The golf pencil in my pocket would poke my backside. (Not fun.) Why should you write down this information? Because humans forget stuff.
  • Scenario: You've learned Johnny's name, called him by name through a question, ignored his response so you could repeat his name in your mind, and you've associated Johnny with his killer pink Mohawk. Now sneak away. That's right. Leave the room. Say you have to go to the restroom or excuse yourself to make a phone call. Don't lie, but do something...anything...to leave the room and go someplace private. Why? So you can pull out your PDA and write down: Johnny - has a killer pink Mohawk.

STEP 5: CHALLENGE YOURSELF.

• It's important to put a personal challenge before yourself. Promise the teenager a reward if you forget his name the next time you see him. It can be any kind of reward. I like to use to the old "buy you a burger" challenge. Again, remembering names is a sport. There needs to be a "Thrill of Victory" and "Agony of Defeat" moment for you and the teenager. If you forget his name, than he is victorious and you are defeated because now you gotta' shell out a few bucks for a burger. If you remember his name, then you're victorious and he is defeated because your wallet still has a splash of that sweet green color we all love so much. Although, the teenager wins too because now he knows that you know him by name and that means you care. And there's something very special about knowing and being known (1 Corinthians 13:12).
  • Scenario: You've learned Johnny's name, called him by name through a question, ignored his response so you could repeat his name, associated Johnny with his killer pink Mohawk, and escaped to a private place to write down his name with the association. (Boy, you really are weird and crazy.) Now return to the room and say, "Johnny, I was thinking. I'm terrible at remembering names, and I really want to remember yours. I promise that I will remember your name the next time I see you. If I don't, I'll buy you a burger. How does that sound?"

I can't take credit for these 5 Steps. I learned them from past Youth for Christ training and from a dear friend, mentor, and former Executive Director Roger Biada. These Steps will end in a result. I promise. They'll result in: (1) helping you to remember names; or (2) helping you lose your hard earned cash faster than Wall Street. The first result will show teenagers that you care. And buying a lot of burgers (because of your epic forgetfulness) will make droves of hungry teenagers come to you just dying to put you to the test.

Whatever the result, you will be building trust and getting to know a lot of teenagers and having fun in the process!  So stay active and keep at it. Before you know it, you'll be a real pro.