MEETING TEENAGERS NEEDS

Article 3, Series 1

Question: "How can I meet teenagers needs in a cafe or through my youth ministry?"

Answer #2: EARN TRUST; THE RIGHT TO BE HEARD

I'm stealing this answer from my Youth for Christ days, because it's so true. Your house was not built in a day. It took months, cost a lot of money, and required great precision and expertise. The same is true of earning trust. Especially the trust of a teenager. It's going to take time, it's going to cost you something, and it'll require great care and precision.

Many of the teenagers stopping by a cafe or your youth ministry are very deeply wounded. They've been abandoned, put down, neglected and abused. They hurt. And building healthy, significant, trusting relationships with them will take time. Look...everyone else in the world has hurt them and so will you. That's how they see it, and it's the truth. You will hurt them, and they will hurt you. So don't get upset if you can't get them to say more than "uh-huh" in a conversation.

Teenagers see adults as predators, because they've been conditioned to do so and for good cause in our culture today. So they are naturally standoffish toward strangers. (Plus...let's be honest...you and I are not cool and popular). Teenagers also see us as just another adult who will abandon them once we see their true colors. But you are not just another adult (at least we hope not) because you're called to youth ministry. You are a child of the King. You're daily discovering the love and forgiveness of God found in Jesus Christ.

God is compassionate and patient and forgiving when He sees your true colors, and so you're going to need to act in the same way toward broken teenagers. And His Spirit can help you love teenagers the way He loves you and me. Before you can talk to teenagers about Jesus Christ or offer words of wisdom regarding the poor life decisions they're making, you have to earn the right to be heard. You have to be trusted. Jesus earned our trust. He has earned the right to be heard, because He conquered sin and death by nailing it to the cross. And He holds the keys to life and godliness. So you need to be like Him.

ATTRIBUTES OF JESUS TO EMULATE:

ATTRIBUTE 1: Availability

• Jesus made Himself available. He hung out and enjoyed a meal with people (Mark 2:15). And so...you have to be available. Be at the cafe or your youth ministry often and regularly. How can you expect to earn trust when you're nowhere to be found? It just doesn't happen. Oh sure, teenagers will find someone or something to trust but it will be with a video game, the television, or someone else. It won't be with you if you're not at the cafe or youth group. If you do not make yourself available to your neighbor (in this case teenagers), than you limit opportunities to get hurt by your neighbor. And I can see how not getting hurt sounds appealing. But...if you're not close enough to get hurt, than you're not close enough to make a difference. Is hurting one another in the context of a relationship worth the growth and positive change and difference it can make in your life and mine?

ATTRIBUTE 2: Integrity

• Jesus kept His promise. It was a covenant promise to become a sacrifice for sin. And He did what He said He would do (Mark 14:36). It wasn't easy. Jesus asks us to obey and love, and He can do that because he perfectly obeyed and loved and gives us the power to imitate Him. Your words need to match your actions. Do what you promise to do. Don't make promises you can't keep. Teenagers (really all of us) are thirsty for promise keepers. We almost don't know what keeping a promise looks like because it's become so easy to break the promises we make. God keeps his promises and we should too.

ATTRIBUTE 3: Authenticity

• Jesus was fully God and fully a man. He really lived. Jesus was hungry and thirsty. He was cold and hot. He partied with friends and knew what it was like to be alone. He wept (John 11:35). So get real and live life. Teenagers can see right through your fake attitude and plastic faith. So don't be someone you're not. Be yourself. This means you have strengths and weaknesses. Own your weaknesses the way you flaunt your strengths. Use your weaknesses as a testimony that God isn't finished with you yet and you're trusting Him to sanctify you more and more into His image.

ATTRIBUTE 4: Humility

• Jesus took the form of a servant by humbling himself as a man and coming to earth (Philippians 2:7-8). He set for us an example of servanthood and humility by washing His disciples feet and by becoming obedient to death on a cross (Philippians 2:8). I want to exhort you. You don't have all the answers. You are not God's gift to teenagers on how to live a life of wisdom, mercy, justice, and love. You're a sinner, just like Paul, just like me, and God is not finished with you yet. Remember the parable of the prayer of the tax collector and Pharisee (Luke 18:9-14)? Don't be the righteous Pharisee. Be the tax collector who is justified by repentance and faith in the grace of Jesus Christ. So do more breast beating than brow beating.

These articles are not meant to be exhaustive. They're short tips on ministering to teenagers. So please check back often to this article. I hope to update it as new ideas come to me. I'm currently thinking through some new attributes to add. Like...Sacrifice?