Introduction

MEETING TEENAGERS NEEDS

Article 1, Series 1

Great question! This is an important question. I've been fortunate and blessed by God to have worked as a missionary in the field of youth ministry since 1999. I have two goals for this series of articles.

GOAL #1: To answer this question and pass along some nuggets of wisdom that I've learned along the way.

GOAL #2: That these answers will equip you with the practical tools you'll need to meet the needs of teenagers.

I really enjoy building stuff for my wife's garden. Last summer, I constructed a trellis and couldn't have done it without the right power tools. Think of the answers you'll discover in this series as powerful tools to add to your youth ministry tool box. What I have to offer will not provide all the tools you'll need to meet teenagers needs, but it will be enough to get you started.

Youth Workers and Volunteers purchase books and pay to attend conferences to learn some of the information and resources I'm going to provide. I'm offering it here freely, and I'm trusting in God to provide for me and my family. As a missionary, I rely on the loving and generous offerings of people who believe in me and my calling to ministry, and those who come to repentance and faith in Jesus Christ through the work of the Spirit in my life and ministry. (Plus it's kinda' exciting to watch God provide for all my needs according to His riches in glory. I like surprise donations!)

The Old and New Testament Scriptures are clear that called men of God serving in the labor of the Gospel of Jesus Christ can rely on the support of others. In the Old Testament, we know that the Levites (no...not the maker of designer blue jeans, that's Levi's) lived off the tithes and offerings because they had no inheritance (Deuteronomy 18:1; Deuteronomy 14:27-29; Numbers 35:2).

And Jesus said, "Go your way; behold, I am sending you out as lambs in the midst of wolves. Carry no moneybag, no knapsack, no sandals, and greet no one on the road. Whatever house you enter, first say, 'Peace be to this house!' And if a son of peace is there, your peace will rest upon him. But if not, it will return to you. And remain in the same house, eating and drinking what they provide, for the laborer deserves his wages" (ESV, Luke 10:2-9).

Paul seconds Jesus' words when he wrote, "For the Scriptures say, 'You shall not muzzle an ox when it treads out the grain,' and, 'The laborer deserves his wages'" (ESV, 1 Timothy 5:18).

If this Series in any way equips you or encourages and strengthens your faith in Jesus Christ, than I ask that you give an offering to the Lord through this ministry so I can live. I'm certain it will add value to your faith and your ministry. After the series is over, ask yourself:

How valuable was this information?

What would I pay to know it?

My labor through CUPS is to reach lost and wounded teenagers and families with the Gospel of Jesus Christ. CUPS / CAFE is a non-profit organization. All gifts are tax-deductible. Visit our Donate page for information on how you can offer something in support of our missionary endeavor. Please pray about giving.

I've already written a handful of articles ready for posting. So please:

• Subscribe to this feed
• Invite those you know who may benefit from this series
• And check back often as it unfolds.

Future articles in this Series will be located on the BLOG page under the Category: Resources...Youth Ministry Tools...Series 1.

Okay...enough said...let's dig in!

MEETING TEENAGERS NEEDS

Article 2, Series 1

Question: "How can I meet teenagers needs in a cafe or through my youth ministry?"

Answer #1: LISTEN TO TEENAGERS

Teenagers have something to say. Listening to them is one of the most important actions you can take. I know it's hard to do because humans care mostly about themselves. This is true of you, me, and teenagers. So don't talk about yourself. (Well...maybe a little, because you are a little weird, interesting, and a bit crazy to want to work with teenagers). But mainly ask questions about them.

Sometimes you have to pry out their thoughts with crowbar-like-questions. But good questions are all you'll need to get teenagers talking...so that you...can listen. You need to come to a cafe or your youth ministry with an arsenal of questions so that if their answers are short and to the point, or they don't open up and talk right away, you can fire out another question; building question upon question.

After that, simply close your mouth, sit still, make eye contact, and listen (James 1:19).

Josh McDowell, in his Handbook on Counseling Youth, lists six important responses when counseling teenagers. They are directed specifically at counseling youth, but I believe they apply here. McDowell's six steps are: Listen, Empathize, Affirm, Direct, Enlist, Refer. I'm not going to unpack what these mean for the sake of limited space in this article. But I recommend you get his book. It will equip you to responsibly meet teenagers spiritual, emotional, and mental needs.

See the word "Listen" in Josh's list?

You cannot meet a teenager's needs unless you know their needs. And you can't know their needs unless they verbalize their needs. And they can't verbalize their needs if all you're doing is talking about yourself and your problems and not listening to them, or (if you're hiding in the corner of the room in shear terror because you're too afraid to approach a teenager). Get up! Approach them. Engage them in conversation. And most importantly, listen.

Crowbar-Like-Questions:

• What's your name?
• How old are you?
• What school do you go to?
• What grade are you in?
• How was school today?
• Do you like sports?
• What is your favorite sports team?
• Do you play a sport?
  • Which sport: football, baseball, basketball, soccer, tennis, hockey, skateboarding, BMX, Lacrosse?
• What kind of music do you listen to?
• Who is your favorite music artist?
• Do you play an instrument?
  • Which instrument?
  • How long have you been playing?
• Do you like art?
  • Which style: painting, drawing, photography?
• Do you like to read?
  • What type of books?
• Who is your favorite author?
• Did you see that new [insert latest movie title]?
  • Do you like funny movies or action packed thrillers?
  • Who is your favorite actor?
• Do you own any pets?
  • Which breeds?
  • What are their names?
• What is your favorite fast food restaurant?
• What is your favorite food?
• Are you going to the football game Friday night?
• Are you doing anything fun with your friends this weekend?
• Who is your best friend?
• Do you have any brothers or sisters?
  • What are their names?
  • How old are they?
  • Where do they live?
• Do you have a Mom and Dad?
  • What is your Mom's name?
  • What does your Mom do for a living?
  • What is your Dad's name?
  • What does your Dad do for a living?
  • Your parents are divorced? I'm sorry to hear that. Who do you live with?
  • Where does your dad/mom live?
  • How often do you get to see your dad/mom?
• Are you going anywhere for [insert nearest holiday]?
  • What do you want for Christmas this year?
  • What's your favorite food to eat on Thanksgiving?
• Do you go to church?
  • If yes, where?
  • If no, have you ever been to church?
  • What do you like the most about church?
  • What do you like the least?
• What's your social security number? (I'm kidding. Seriously, DO NOT ASK THIS QUESTION!)

You'll need to get to know a teenager before you can meet a teenager's needs. It's important that you know who they are, and where they are in their life and faith journey. These are just a few questions to get you started. So good luck! And as my Dad would say, "You go get 'em, Tiger!"

MEETING TEENAGERS NEEDS

Article 3, Series 1

Question: "How can I meet teenagers needs in a cafe or through my youth ministry?"

Answer #2: EARN TRUST; THE RIGHT TO BE HEARD

I'm stealing this answer from my Youth for Christ days, because it's so true. Your house was not built in a day. It took months, cost a lot of money, and required great precision and expertise. The same is true of earning trust. Especially the trust of a teenager. It's going to take time, it's going to cost you something, and it'll require great care and precision.

Many of the teenagers stopping by a cafe or your youth ministry are very deeply wounded. They've been abandoned, put down, neglected and abused. They hurt. And building healthy, significant, trusting relationships with them will take time. Look...everyone else in the world has hurt them and so will you. That's how they see it, and it's the truth. You will hurt them, and they will hurt you. So don't get upset if you can't get them to say more than "uh-huh" in a conversation.

Teenagers see adults as predators, because they've been conditioned to do so and for good cause in our culture today. So they are naturally standoffish toward strangers. (Plus...let's be honest...you and I are not cool and popular). Teenagers also see us as just another adult who will abandon them once we see their true colors. But you are not just another adult (at least we hope not) because you're called to youth ministry. You are a child of the King. You're daily discovering the love and forgiveness of God found in Jesus Christ.

God is compassionate and patient and forgiving when He sees your true colors, and so you're going to need to act in the same way toward broken teenagers. And His Spirit can help you love teenagers the way He loves you and me. Before you can talk to teenagers about Jesus Christ or offer words of wisdom regarding the poor life decisions they're making, you have to earn the right to be heard. You have to be trusted. Jesus earned our trust. He has earned the right to be heard, because He conquered sin and death by nailing it to the cross. And He holds the keys to life and godliness. So you need to be like Him.

ATTRIBUTES OF JESUS TO EMULATE:

ATTRIBUTE 1: Availability

• Jesus made Himself available. He hung out and enjoyed a meal with people (Mark 2:15). And so...you have to be available. Be at the cafe or your youth ministry often and regularly. How can you expect to earn trust when you're nowhere to be found? It just doesn't happen. Oh sure, teenagers will find someone or something to trust but it will be with a video game, the television, or someone else. It won't be with you if you're not at the cafe or youth group. If you do not make yourself available to your neighbor (in this case teenagers), than you limit opportunities to get hurt by your neighbor. And I can see how not getting hurt sounds appealing. But...if you're not close enough to get hurt, than you're not close enough to make a difference. Is hurting one another in the context of a relationship worth the growth and positive change and difference it can make in your life and mine?

ATTRIBUTE 2: Integrity

• Jesus kept His promise. It was a covenant promise to become a sacrifice for sin. And He did what He said He would do (Mark 14:36). It wasn't easy. Jesus asks us to obey and love, and He can do that because he perfectly obeyed and loved and gives us the power to imitate Him. Your words need to match your actions. Do what you promise to do. Don't make promises you can't keep. Teenagers (really all of us) are thirsty for promise keepers. We almost don't know what keeping a promise looks like because it's become so easy to break the promises we make. God keeps his promises and we should too.

ATTRIBUTE 3: Authenticity

• Jesus was fully God and fully a man. He really lived. Jesus was hungry and thirsty. He was cold and hot. He partied with friends and knew what it was like to be alone. He wept (John 11:35). So get real and live life. Teenagers can see right through your fake attitude and plastic faith. So don't be someone you're not. Be yourself. This means you have strengths and weaknesses. Own your weaknesses the way you flaunt your strengths. Use your weaknesses as a testimony that God isn't finished with you yet and you're trusting Him to sanctify you more and more into His image.

ATTRIBUTE 4: Humility

• Jesus took the form of a servant by humbling himself as a man and coming to earth (Philippians 2:7-8). He set for us an example of servanthood and humility by washing His disciples feet and by becoming obedient to death on a cross (Philippians 2:8). I want to exhort you. You don't have all the answers. You are not God's gift to teenagers on how to live a life of wisdom, mercy, justice, and love. You're a sinner, just like Paul, just like me, and God is not finished with you yet. Remember the parable of the prayer of the tax collector and Pharisee (Luke 18:9-14)? Don't be the righteous Pharisee. Be the tax collector who is justified by repentance and faith in the grace of Jesus Christ. So do more breast beating than brow beating.

These articles are not meant to be exhaustive. They're short tips on ministering to teenagers. So please check back often to this article. I hope to update it as new ideas come to me. I'm currently thinking through some new attributes to add. Like...Sacrifice?

MEETING TEENAGERS NEEDS

Article 4, Series 1

Question: “How can I meet teenagers needs in a cafe or through my youth ministry?”

Answer #3: REMEMBER TEENAGERS BY NAME

You like it when people remember you, right? So do teenagers. It shows them that you care and that you were thinking of them. Remembering names can be difficult. Mainly because we don't take the time to truly listen. Exchanging names and a handshake has become more like a cold, impersonal hello-like-greeting rather than an actual relationship building experience. "Well hello, I'm Tim Van Arsdale." (Insert handshake) "Well hello Tim, Nice to meet you. I'm John Smith." And then we part ways never to remember each other's name. Remembering names is a sport. It takes practice, discipline, failure and success. I've put together 5 Steps you can take to help you remember teenagers by name. I've personally tried them out and they work for me. I'm certain they will work for you.

STEP 1: CALL THEM BY NAME

• Say the teenager's name in the form of a question. You've gotta' practice saying their name out loud before you can remember it. So say their name out loud paying careful attention to its phonetic makeup.
  • Scenario: You've introduced yourself and asked the teenager his name and he answers, "Johnny." Now, address Johnny by name in the form of a question. You say, "Johnny, how was school today?"

STEP 2: REPEAT THEIR NAME IN YOUR NOGGIN'.

• Repetition is a discipline used in every sport to help master that sport. If you want to master the sport of remembering a teenager's name, than you need the discipline of repetition. When a teenager tells you his/her name, say their name in your mind over and over again. It may feel weird and crazy. That's because it is...but who cares. They won't know you're doing it. No one will. And let's be honest, you're working with teens so naturally you're already weird and crazy.
  • Scenario: You've just learned his name is Johnny and asked him about school. Now, while Johnny is talking about school, you're brain needs to be thinking: Johnny...Johnny...Johnny...Johnny...Johnny. This is the one time I'll allow you to break the listening tip mentioned above. You are not to be listening to what Johnny says about school. Your mind should be repeating Johnny's name the whole time Johnny is talking. Just make eye contact, smile and nod while he's talking. Besides, do you really care about what happened at his school today? It's small talk. Unless there was a shooting or fire at school, you've got bigger fish to fry. So repeat his name in your mind. You can ask more important questions later. Ones that you really care about that will help you get to know Johnny better.

STEP 3: ASSOCIATE THEIR NAME WITH SOMETHING.

• Association has been used in memorization for years. It works. We teach association to young children to help them learn their ABCs. We associate the alphabet with a catchy tune and sing it. The same works for remembering names. You can associate Johnny with something in two ways. (1) You can associate him to the answers he gives to the questions you ask. Maybe Johnny tells you that he likes to skateboard. Associate Johnny to skateboarding. (2) Or, you can associate Johnny with his appearance. Maybe Johnny has blonde hair or a killer pink Mohawk. Use something about his appearance to help you remember his name.
  • Scenario: You've learned Johnny's name, called him by name through a question, and ignored his response so you could repeat his name in your mind. Now think to yourself: Johnny has a killer pink Mohawk.

STEP 4: WRITE DOWN THEIR NAME WITH THE ASSOCIATION.

• We keep a shift report at the cafe and do our best to write down names. In the past, I've kept 3x5 note cards and a golf pencil in my back pocket so I can write down the teenager's name and associate him/her with something. Recent technological advancements (i.e. iPhone, Palm Pilot's, PDA's) makes this process less painful. The golf pencil in my pocket would poke my backside. (Not fun.) Why should you write down this information? Because humans forget stuff.
  • Scenario: You've learned Johnny's name, called him by name through a question, ignored his response so you could repeat his name in your mind, and you've associated Johnny with his killer pink Mohawk. Now sneak away. That's right. Leave the room. Say you have to go to the restroom or excuse yourself to make a phone call. Don't lie, but do something...anything...to leave the room and go someplace private. Why? So you can pull out your PDA and write down: Johnny - has a killer pink Mohawk.

STEP 5: CHALLENGE YOURSELF.

• It's important to put a personal challenge before yourself. Promise the teenager a reward if you forget his name the next time you see him. It can be any kind of reward. I like to use to the old "buy you a burger" challenge. Again, remembering names is a sport. There needs to be a "Thrill of Victory" and "Agony of Defeat" moment for you and the teenager. If you forget his name, than he is victorious and you are defeated because now you gotta' shell out a few bucks for a burger. If you remember his name, then you're victorious and he is defeated because your wallet still has a splash of that sweet green color we all love so much. Although, the teenager wins too because now he knows that you know him by name and that means you care. And there's something very special about knowing and being known (1 Corinthians 13:12).
  • Scenario: You've learned Johnny's name, called him by name through a question, ignored his response so you could repeat his name, associated Johnny with his killer pink Mohawk, and escaped to a private place to write down his name with the association. (Boy, you really are weird and crazy.) Now return to the room and say, "Johnny, I was thinking. I'm terrible at remembering names, and I really want to remember yours. I promise that I will remember your name the next time I see you. If I don't, I'll buy you a burger. How does that sound?"

I can't take credit for these 5 Steps. I learned them from past Youth for Christ training and from a dear friend, mentor, and former Executive Director Roger Biada. These Steps will end in a result. I promise. They'll result in: (1) helping you to remember names; or (2) helping you lose your hard earned cash faster than Wall Street. The first result will show teenagers that you care. And buying a lot of burgers (because of your epic forgetfulness) will make droves of hungry teenagers come to you just dying to put you to the test.

Whatever the result, you will be building trust and getting to know a lot of teenagers and having fun in the process!  So stay active and keep at it. Before you know it, you'll be a real pro.

Cups Cafe is a connecting place.

Part of our purpose is to connect young people and families with free resources within our community and connect them with local churches and organizations that can provide the help they need. Our Team has personally witnessed an increase in the physical, spiritual, social, and mental needs of our neighbors. We hope our resource pages will help connect local needs with resources.

This list of resources is not complete or exhaustive. It's a list of resources available to residents in Medina as we discover them. Expect it to grow and change. So please check back often.

We apologize in advance if we've failed to mention the resources available through your local church, social service agency, or non-profit organization. Please help us remedy this. Contact Tim Van Arsdale by phone: 330.304.5449 or e-mail: tim@cupscafe.org and we'll gladly include your information and services.