Tim Van Arsdale posted on October 01, 2009
MEETING TEENAGERS NEEDS
Article 2, Series 1
Question: "How can I meet teenagers needs in a cafe or through my youth ministry?"
Answer #1: LISTEN TO TEENAGERS
Teenagers have something to say. Listening to them is one of the most important actions you can take. I know it's hard to do because humans care mostly about themselves. This is true of you, me, and teenagers. So don't talk about yourself. (Well...maybe a little, because you are a little weird, interesting, and a bit crazy to want to work with teenagers). But mainly ask questions about them.
Sometimes you have to pry out their thoughts with crowbar-like-questions. But good questions are all you'll need to get teenagers talking...so that you...can listen. You need to come to a cafe or your youth ministry with an arsenal of questions so that if their answers are short and to the point, or they don't open up and talk right away, you can fire out another question; building question upon question.
After that, simply close your mouth, sit still, make eye contact, and listen (James 1:19).
Josh McDowell, in his Handbook on Counseling Youth, lists six important responses when counseling teenagers. They are directed specifically at counseling youth, but I believe they apply here. McDowell's six steps are: Listen, Empathize, Affirm, Direct, Enlist, Refer. I'm not going to unpack what these mean for the sake of limited space in this article. But I recommend you get his book. It will equip you to responsibly meet teenagers spiritual, emotional, and mental needs.
See the word "Listen" in Josh's list?
You cannot meet a teenager's needs unless you know their needs. And you can't know their needs unless they verbalize their needs. And they can't verbalize their needs if all you're doing is talking about yourself and your problems and not listening to them, or (if you're hiding in the corner of the room in shear terror because you're too afraid to approach a teenager). Get up! Approach them. Engage them in conversation. And most importantly, listen.
Crowbar-Like-Questions:
- What's your name?
- How old are you?
- What school do you go to?
- What grade are you in?
- How was school today?
- Do you like sports?
- What is your favorite sports team?
- Do you play a sport?
- Which sport: football, baseball, basketball, soccer, tennis, hockey, skateboarding, BMX, Lacrosse?
- What kind of music do you listen to?
- Who is your favorite music artist?
- Do you play an instrument?
- Which instrument?
- How long have you been playing?
- Do you like art?
- Which style: painting, drawing, photography?
- Do you like to read?
- Who is your favorite author?
- Did you see that new [insert latest movie title]?
- Do you like funny movies or action packed thrillers?
- Who is your favorite actor?
- Do you own any pets?
- Which breeds?
- What are their names?
- What is your favorite fast food restaurant?
- What is your favorite food?
- Are you going to the football game Friday night?
- Are you doing anything fun with your friends this weekend?
- Who is your best friend?
- Do you have any brothers or sisters?
- What are their names?
- How old are they?
- Where do they live?
- Do you have a Mom and Dad?
- What is your Mom's name?
- What does your Mom do for a living?
- What is your Dad's name?
- What does your Dad do for a living?
- Your parents are divorced? I'm sorry to hear that. Who do you live with?
- Where does your dad/mom live?
- How often do you get to see your dad/mom?
- Are you going anywhere for [insert nearest holiday]?
- What do you want for Christmas this year?
- What's your favorite food to eat on Thanksgiving?
- Do you go to church?
- If yes, where?
- If no, have you ever been to church?
- What do you like the most about church?
- What do you like the least?
- What's your social security number? (I'm kidding. Seriously, DO NOT ASK THIS QUESTION!)
You'll need to get to know a teenager before you can meet a teenager's needs. It's important that you know who they are, and where they are in their life and faith journey. These are just a few questions to get you started. So good luck! And as my Dad would say, "You go get 'em, Tiger!"